let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
