Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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