If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
