Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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