ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize