dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
