Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
