I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
