I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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