I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
