When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
