I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
