he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
