I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
