trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
