I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
