Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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