i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
