I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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