I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
