just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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