On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
