whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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