All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The air was thick with penises
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
