I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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