My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
third nipple confirmed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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