But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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