its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
