Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
