Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
