I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
