If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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