I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
