Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
