Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
