You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i will never coherently bang her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
