i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
