Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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