I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
