I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
