so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
