sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
