At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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