walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
