these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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