i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
