I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
