if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
