There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
