I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
