At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
