I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
