you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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