hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
