yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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