My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
