I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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