this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
