You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
