That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
