Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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