I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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