I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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