You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize