i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I could make wine with my vomit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
