You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
