she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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