The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
