She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
