We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
