He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
