I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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