why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize