I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
