One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These tits shall not be calmed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
