Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How's work?
Spinning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
