Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize