you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
