Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
