In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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