Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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