I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
