There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
