he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
