yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize