my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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