I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
