It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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