I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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