i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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