Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
