It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
