I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
