I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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