we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
