I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
