she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
