I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
