Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
